Hate the Heat but I Want to be Back in the Kitchen

It’s Labor Day, the “end” of summer.  Usually I’m excited for the end.  Christian, my crazy 9-year-old, is back to a routine, learning again, and I don’t see his friends as much.  It’s the start of my month long lull (kind of) at work because the students are back, the beds are leased, and I can shift gears and tackle Admissions Events and more creative tasks.  It also signals the return of my favorite season, FALL!  Yes, I’m that #basicbitch that loves all things pumpkin flavored.  I’m dying to get back into my jeans and sweatshirts.  I love the cooler weather.  My birthday is in November and I love the extra days off in November and December.  All signs point to me welcoming the end of summer, right?

WRONG!

For the first time since childhood (cause who ever really wanted to go back to school?) I actually don’t want my summer to end.  I’m in a good spot, with my twin in our cute little townhouse.  I got to spend some awesome time with her this summer… our pools days were amazing.  C had a blast at two camps.  I spent some great nights out, grabbing dinner and drinks with friends.  I had an awesome happy hour with my work crew.  I went out on my dad’s boat a couple of times which has summer written all over it.  By far though, the most incredible part of my summer was going to OCMD for a week at the end of July.  I’ve been to OCMD for a week before, it’s almost become a tradition in our family.  But this vacation was different.  I went with C and the twin.  We had such a blast.  It was unreal.  Lots of beach time, lots of awesome lunches and dinners, and lots of memories,  Mini-golf, a speed boat ride, dolphins, whales, and just a ton of relaxation.  It was awesome.

I don’t want summer to go.  It’s been a great ride.

I also lost important people in my life… not to death, but because it’s in my best interest.  Will I be able to hold strong and keep them away?  What does it take?  I’m horrible (no really, I’m really horrible) at ending things.  I’m not good at it.  All my past relationships ended because the guy left me.  I hold on until they do that.  Is that fun to admit?  No.  But when you notice patterns, you should call yourself out, right?  Even if it makes you want to puke, right?  I hate goodbyes.  I hate losing.  Those two ideas coupled together pretty much makes me “ride-or-die” until the end, right?  I always cave, let them back in, become delusional for a few months, and then erupt in anger and sorrow.  It’s a pretty awesome cycle.  LOL!  And this isn’t the first I’ve thought about or written about it.  So, why continue?  I’m used to what I’m used to and it takes so much for me to break from that mold.

Change or be changed.

I say “Change or be changed,” all the time.  Time to start being the agent of change for once.  I started dating this summer.  I haven’t dated in years… seriously, not since 2010.  I didn’t have to put myself out there, sell myself, and be able to talk about myself in 5 years.  I took things into my own hands and made myself incredibly uncomfortable to learn and grow once again.  It was awkward–lots of side glances and nervous laughing.  I had to find outfits, send confirmation texts, hideout in my car and scope the  scene, and apply lipstick quickly.  It was a nightmare at first.  Dating exposes so much.  My self-esteem was super low.  I was not self-aware.  But I kept at it, even after a horrible first first date experience.  And I met some great people.  Most importantly, I met myself again.  I got to explore all things Britta and it felt like a warm homecoming.

The summer of 2015 has set me up for continued success.  I don’t want to let go, but, as they say, “Change or be changed.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s