I thought I was past this point. It’s like you learn these things, apply them, and then you think you’re “good”, right? But that’s not how it works. I occasionally leaf through my old journals and I’m blown away at how the same issues keep rearing their ugly heads. It’s rare that I deal with anything new.
Recently I had a decent conversation about life, sex, relationships, etc. He said that sex has become purely physical for him and that the emotional and psychological aspects have been missing. I haven’t thought about those categories since college (yep, about 13+ years ago). I decided to throw myself into therapy in college. It didn’t last. They assigned me to this young guy, most likely pursuing his next degree. I hated him. One day he was late to our 8am appointment. I followed him up to his office. His first question, “I know I was late, how did that make you feel?” SERIOUSLY BUDDY? Told him that his time with me is expendable and that I was hoping he didn’t show up so I could do school work and maybe grab breakfast.
But… he did help me in one way (just one). He told me that we have thoughts, feelings, and actions. The psychological, emotional, and physical self. The goal, he said, was to get all three moving in the same direction. It made perfect sense then. But it feels so foreign to me now though. It’s something I should look at on the daily. Like, maybe I’ll set an alarm or put a white board in the shower. I think it’s that important.
I imagine most humans aren’t doing it right. How do I know? I know I’m not doing it right and I’ve seen first-hand how people are lying to one or more parts of themselves and the consequences that trickle out from there. I think the goal of getting them all focused and going in the same direction is a goal but one that needs to be set and reset and reset, etc. But it’s not always easy to keep all of them in check. The ego bubbles up. Emotions run wild. There are so many limitations, circumstances, and factors that come into play every minute of our lives. Maybe it’s about taking control. Maybe that’s it.