My Audience

Like every blogger (maybe?) I often catch myself telling friends that I need to blog more. It’s not like I’ve had some lengthy career to  warrant the comment.  Quite the opposite really.  But why do I say it?  And why DON’T I blog more?  I liken it to my cohabitation days.  Whenever I live with someone, my journal drastically changes tone because I feel like I’m writing for an audience.  I write with the idea in mind that whoever I’m living with is going to read my journal.  So, I have a certain audience in mind.  I can’t freely express my thoughts.  Perhaps this has a lot to say about the untrustworthy people I’ve lived with in the past and my horrible decisions.  That’s another topic for a rainy day–a REALLY rainy day or maybe even a huge snow storm that renders me stuck inside for weeks!

Is blogging the same for me?  Am I avoiding blogging for the simple truth that I just don’t want to either be transparent OR I don’t want to write with a specific audience in mind (all the people who may read  this now or will read this in the future)?

I feel like I’m good at a lot of things… but living, breathing, and being in the moment is not one of them.  My middle name should be anxiety.  Deep down I feel like this is the only barrier I have to successfully blogging… And, ummm, maybe living a full life (the latter being a bit more important–but just slightly, right?).  My comfort zone is small, warm, known, and something I’ve grown to love because I know exactly what to expect.  But I know there’s more outside the proverbial cave.  Dare I find out what the shadows represent?

I’m going to do my best to throw caution to the wind, forget my real audience, my fake audience, my future audience, and all agendas and I’m just going to write.

Wish me luck… and stay tuned!


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