Back to “START” but behind a few thousand people already in line…

So here I go again on my own.  Whitesnake wasn’t lying.  At least I’m taking steps to look like that hot chick on the front of those cars in that famous video.  I don’t think I’ll ever be that limber but after a few glasses of wine, I’m 1/2 way there.  That counts, right?  I just got out of a pretty lengthy on-again-off-again relationship.  Wah wah wah… right?  I know.  I wouldn’t read a blog that started off with this shit.  Hopefully you’ll hang in there with me (I’m talking to my non-existent audience now).  Maybe I’m like every other 34 year old.  But I know that’s not true.  I have LOTS of friends who are married, in seemingly awesome relationships, and all that stuff.  Not me.  I chased it for years–hell, most of my life–and it keeps slipping right through my fingers.  Maybe I’m not setting the right intentions.  Maybe I’m the one who is truly unavailable.  Maybe I’m the one who is throwing up the roadblocks.

If there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I’ll never let myself down off the cross (or off the hook) without a thorough investigation.  More times than not I’ll drive a few more nails in… and I wonder why I’m still single with no end in sight.

So I’m on this journey, right?  The same journey as everyone else.  Not sure I have the needed tools.  I know I have the strength.  And I like to think I’m fairly intelligent.  What I’m lacking in everywhere else, I make up in heart and passion.

I’m gonna pull another WAH right now… I also need to lose some weight.  I don’t think I need to lose it for anyone.  I just want to so I have more energy and buy cheap clothes.  LOL!  It’s true though, skinny people spend a lot less on their wardrobe and they just look better in clothes.  I’ll be honest too, I need a personal victory to own and feel good about right about now.  There’s a lot I can’t control right now but I know this is something I can and will control.  I’ve done it before.  I was a size 4 at one time.  At 5’8″, not sure a 4 is perfect for me.  I’d settle for an 8 or 10 even.  Mentally I must shift gears.  I’m tired of seeing myself in the mirror.  I feel skinnier than I am.  It’s always a shock when I see myself in pictures.  Like every other mom, I want to scream, “who’s that hot chick” when I see myself in the mirror and in pics.  I’d love to be proud of more than just headshots.

I know one thing: you can’t keep writing about the same thing and not find a resolution and progress.  I learned that from doing Morning Pages years ago (when I first dropped a lot of weight and took a new career path).  I picked it up from “The Artist’s Way” and it did wonders for me.  Look it up.  Get that guidebook.  It’s worth it! And if there’s one thing I can count on it’s this: change will always happen.  #changeorbechanged

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